FAQ and rules for cuddle parties

 

FAQs

What is a cuddle party?

A cuddle party is a kind of workshop where you can give and receive non-sexual touch within a safe framework and according to fixed rules.
It is a playful way to deal with communication, boundaries and attraction or just to cuddle up and have a good time after a busy week.

It is a wonderful place to get to know yourself better, to relax, to share warmth and closeness, to recharge your batteries and your joy of life. The benefits and learning fields of a cuddle party are versatile and depend on what you want to experience or practice. Of course you can just cuddle and have a good time.
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You can become clearer about your own wishes and practice expressing them in a relaxed and confident way.

How do you want to be touched? How do you want to touch? What gives you joy and pleasure?
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You can learn to feel your limits better and to maintain them; practice to stand by them more confidently and thereby experience new self-confidence.
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You can improve your communication skills by practising expressing your wishes and limits clearly, without shame and directly. No frosting is necessary, you can put up with anything you want.
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You make the experience that your 'no' is respected and you do not have to explain or defend it. "No" is a complete sentence.
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You make the experience that getting a 'No' does not mean the end of the world and can become more courageous to ask for what you want more often.
If you don't ask, the answer is always 'no'.
Here you can practice risking a 'no' and probably get more 'yes' than ever before.
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You can have a lot of fun at a cuddle party.
Gerhard Schrabal has written a beautiful book about cuddle parties: www.kuschel-buch.de



What are the rules?

The rules of the Conscious Cuddle Party apply to every format, be it CocoaMagic, Playfight Edition, WomenCuddling, ... . 1)
There's no cuddle pressure. You don't have to snuggle with someone you don't want to snuggle with. You don't have to cuddle at all. 2)
You ask for permission and get a verbal 'yes' before you touch someone. Be as specific as possible in your request. 3)
Say yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no. 4)
A maybe is a no. 5)
You may change your mind at any time. Don't be ok with something, think it's good or don't. 6)
Clothes stay on all the time! 7)
Respect and honor the arrangements with your partner/lover. 8)
If you have questions and worries or if you want support, ask the cuddle party leader.
Tears and laughter - everything is welcome. 9)
Respect the privacy of other participants when you tell about the cuddle party.
PUNCTUALITY: Please arrive a few minutes earlier. We will start punctually with a welcome and orientation circle where we will get to know the rules, the structure and everyone else to create a safe environment for everyone. DRESSCODE: Slip into comfortable, non-sexy clothes that you just feel comfortable in. HYGIENE: Make it pleasantly easy for the other participants to give you a cuddleYes and come well-groomed. (Freshly showered? Hair washed? Clothes washed? Socks without holes and fresh? Perfume or deodorant unobtrusive?) The KuschelRaum is a DRUG- and ALCOHOL-free room. Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)



What is special about the cuddle parties in the KuschelRaum?

The cuddle parties of the KuschelRaum are something special in the German cuddle landscape.
 They create a really safe environment in that every participant has to verbally express whether he or she feels a 'yes' or a 'no' to the offer he or she has received. A 'No' is respected, it does not have to be explained or defended. This creates a unique and relaxed atmosphere in which everything is allowed to show itself: fear, laughter, crying, closeness, love...


There are rules. No one can sneak up on you and just grab you like that. At no single exercise, at no single second do you have to cuddle with someone or let someone touch you if you don't want to. Every touch is voluntary. The gut feeling decides and guides us from moment to moment, from encounter to encounter.

Everyone takes responsibility for himself.
Let yourself be enchanted by an atmosphere of security and warmth where you can touch, be touched, have fun and have a really good time.
 (Please read the text under Inspirations: Self-defence for Tantra and touch workshops) Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)



What if I fall in love? Can I ask someone out?

Many friendships and also some relationships had their origin at our cuddle parties. But this is not the focus. A cuddle party is not a dating event. Singles and couples, people who live in all kinds of relationship structures, friends, siblings, ... all cuddly people who want to enjoy non-sexual contact.
Within these few hours of wanting to find a partner for life, a lot of the ease and relaxation that makes the cuddle party experience so wonderful can be taken away. Of course, it can happen that a particular encounter is especially beautiful; meeting directly on the heart level and leaving out the small talk for now is a wonderful way to get to know a person.
You are free to stay in contact with this person after the cuddle party.


Our advice is to deal openly with the felt attraction and not to hope quietly that the other person has experienced the same. 
 Because of the closeness and the beautiful touch, you may think that you have finally met the soul mate you had hoped for so long. This may be so, but it does not have to be. It is quite possible that you have nothing to say to each other outside of the cuddle parties.
Often a magical cuddle encounter is just a magical cuddle encounter. Celebrate and enjoy it.



Will you come to my place? Can I rent a cuddle party?


Sure, no problem. 
Send us an email and we'll develop the best concept for you.

Our Conscious Cuddle Party can be a wonderful birthday surprise, a very special teambuilding event or just that special something for your event.



What happens at a cuddle party?

The process described here is that of a Conscious Cuddle Experience. The other cuddling formats, such as "WomenCuddling" or "CocoaMagic" have a different focus and specially designed exercises. However, the rules of the Conscious Cuddle Experience apply to each format. Procedure of a Conscious Cuddle Experience:
After you arrive, you slip into the comfortable clothes you have brought with you and make yourself comfortable on the mats in the cuddling room.
We start with a welcome circle in which all participants introduce themselves by name and share how much cuddling experience they bring along.
The cuddly party leader then explains the simple rules and leads through a practice block where especially the respectful communication of clear boundaries and wishes is practiced.
The practice block varies from format to format as each Conscious Cuddle Experience has a different focus. The most important rules to which everyone must agree are 

～ You ask and get a verbal 'yes' before you touch someone.
～ You don't have to cuddle with anyone you don't want to cuddle with.


～ Clothes stay on all the time
(Also read the next question: What are the rules?) After that it's free-flow cuddling time. You can read, sleep, watch, meditate, nibble a bit and of course cuddle as much as you want. In twos, in threes, in the cuddle pile, ... anything is possible.
Bob Grader's book "The Cuddling Sutra" with 48 illustrated cuddling positions is available for inspiration.

 Or be inspired by our photos.
https://www.kuschelraum.de/kuschelpositionen We close with a small closing circle where you can share your experiences if you want to.



What should I wear?

Simply something comfortable that makes you feel good: unsexy and cuddly. Avoid big buttons or zippers that could be painful when cuddling.
 Freshly washed clothes are certainly a very good idea, the first impression is important to many people, it opens or closes possibilities - even at a cuddle party.
Make it easy for the others. (Holes in the socks or sweat stains are not inviting. Old t-shirts, even freshly washed ones, like to start smelling when you start sweating. Invest in a new one and get even more Jas to cuddle up with you :-) Avoid strong smells like smoke, hairspray or exaggerated perfume/after shave - it's just nicer to snuggle up with you.



Why should I be on time?

Arriving on time (preferably a few minutes before the start of the event) is important so that all participants are present when the welcome and orientation circle starts, where the rules and structure are presented. This way all participants will be on the same stand when the cuddling starts and will have got to know each other briefly. This creates security for everyone.



Do I have to cuddle everybody? What if I only want to cuddle a few selected people or only one person?


You don't have to snuggle with someone you don't want to snuggle with. You simply extend an invitation to people with whom you would like to share touch and feel safe. You say 'no' to those who do not inspire you to cuddle together. 

You can stay with a cuddle partner or change as often as you like. It's up to you.
 But be open. It's not about finding the person you want to cuddle with for the rest of your life. With this freer consciousness, it can be surprisingly easy to find people with whom you want to share touch. Be open and listen to your body: where does it want to be? What does it want to do? And with whom? Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)



What if nobody wants to cuddle with me?

Everyone, including you, has the right to choose with whom or how touch is exchanged. And yes, there is the possibility that other participants reject a cuddle encounter with you. At our cuddle parties we respect every no. We respect that no means self-care and assumed personal responsibility.
You can always ask the cuddle party leader for support. If you've had a lot of no's, maybe don't ask for a tight cuddle. This can simply be too much for the moment or the first contact. Offer a foot massage instead or ask if you can just sit next to someone, hold one hand. Once the other participants have gotten to know you, more is certainly possible soon. Make it easy for them to get to know and appreciate you.



What if I'm turned on?

Yes, it can happen, and it has happened.
Our agreement is not to amplify or emphasize this feeling, but simply to let it go. And that is what happens. The wave is subsiding.
 The Conscious Cuddle Experiences offer the experience of consciously separating sex and touch again. Cuddling is not necessarily foreplay. Cuddling is just cuddling.



What if someone grabs you?

The question is unfortunately justified, because cuddle parties do not enjoy the best reputation. To change that is part of our mission. However, the Conscious Cuddle Experiences are a safe space for exchanging unintentional touch, thanks to the special set of rules. People who want to cuddle do not even dare to come to our parties because they would have to be clear about their intentions.
The allowed questions are "May I...?" or "Would you...?" This is followed by a verbal clear 'yes' or 'no' or the fine tuning of the touch offered.
For example, if someone asks you "May I touch your entire upper body?" you say "Yes" or "No," or express specific wishes and limitations: "Yes, you may, but only my back. "I would like to be caressed gently with my fingertips." If it's a no, there's no touching. It's easy. Sure. Sure. If a touch occurs without your consent, assume for a start that it's an accident and not intentional and just say, "You didn't ask." In almost all cases, it'll be followed by "I'm sorry." And then you'll decide if it's yes or no.
And if the mistake happens often, please talk to the head of the cuddle party. We'll sort the situation out. If necessary, the person will be banned. Grabbing is not tolerated.



Do I have to cuddle with men as a man?

No, you don't have to... there's no cuddle pressure. You can only invite women to snuggle and say no to men. It's very simple. BUT - our cuddle parties are also wonderful opportunities to expand your own comfort zone. Some men come exactly because they want to cuddle with men, experience male non-sexual touch and have no idea where and how else they could try it. With us you will find a safe space for this, because you can take all the time you need and you are not alone with it.
There has already been a lot of positive feedback regarding this topic: how good it feels and how relaxing it is to cuddle with your own gender group and also surprisingly easy. Beaming faces... . 
In many cultures touching between men is completely normal and is no statement about sexual preferences. Touch simply does you good. Being able to really hug another man is more enriching than this distance-shoulder slapping where you hold your breath and push your pelvis far back...
Learn to share closeness also and especially with other men.
A nice feedback from one man was: "I discovered how beautiful men's bodies are and about how beautiful my own body is." Hallelujah! P.S. One can replace the word man with woman wonderfully in this question. For many women, same-sex touching - because it is unusual - is outside their comfort zone. And also women find it very good to share touch with other women and to nourish each other.



Why should I pay to cuddle?

You shouldn't. And we wish you with all our heart that you have a lot of wonderful nurturing touch in your life. But a cuddle party is also the opportunity for more... it is guided, there is a safe environment where you can try out, experience and learn a lot. You meet wonderful people you might not have met otherwise. And there are expenses: the cuddle party leader takes the time to prepare and hold the party, organizes the room, the events, offers support, prepares the room and cleans up afterwards, provides equipment, answers questions before or after the party and organizes the registrations..., maintains and pays for the website and other advertising (flyers...), pays for the room, ... . Look at it this way: You pay more for the frame than for the cuddling itself.



I do not live in Berlin, can I still go to cuddle parties?

Of course, cuddle parties are offered worldwide, also in Germany already in many cities.
You can get a good overview here: www.alle-kuschelpartys.de To our knowledge, we are the only providers of cuddle parties with the set of rules we use. At the moment there are only cuddle room parties in the KuschelRaum, which should not stop you from trying out other formats. The training is ongoing, and our dream is that the KuschelRaumFormats will soon be offered all over Europe.
Soon you will find providers of the Conscious Cuddle Experiences in other cities in our network. P.S. If the format is also offered elsewhere, please let us know and we will take it up.



I want to know more about cuddling, is that possible?

Sure. Just leave us a message. We'll answer it as best we can and as soon as possible.
Or stop by Inspirations. You'll find many articles on the subject. Otherwise there are good books on the subject, for example "Das Kuschel-Buch" by Gerhard Schrabal.



Disclaimer and personal responsibility

Disclaimer of liability:
Neither the seminar leader (and assistant) nor the organisers accept any liability for any damage caused directly or indirectly by the application of the contents and the advice given and their interpretation. Each participant acts on his/her own responsibility. It is also pointed out that the topics discussed and the processes worked on are not intended for the diagnosis and treatment of medical and mental illnesses.
In case of an indication, the seminar leaders (and assistants) and organizers appeal to the participants' and users' personal responsibility to consult a competent and appropriately trained physician, alternative practitioner or therapist. Health restrictions:
I hereby undertake to inform the organizer whether I am under psychic or psychiatric treatment and/or I use psychotropic drugs (medication). In this case I will inform the organizer before the beginning of the event, the cuddle session, the workshop, the seminar or the training.
Furthermore I will report serious diseases of the musculoskeletal system and I will take care of my body on my own responsibility.
Personal responsibility:
The participants take full responsibility for their actions and decide for themselves if they want to participate (fully) in the exercises and demonstrations.



What is a cuddly high and a cuddly hangover?

A cuddle high can occur when the experience is so beautiful that the body releases a lot of happiness hormones. You literally float, can't stop grinning, just feel happy and exhilarated, as if you were freshly in love. The cuddly hangover can (does not have to) start the next day. The happiness hormones are shot all at once, the body has to fill up its depots again first. We feel empty, sad. After the beautiful experience of the day before, life suddenly makes no sense anymore.
The condition passes! It is not depression or a crisis of meaning, it is the cuddly hangover and it lasts 48 hours at most. Then the happiness hormones are in stock again and we can return to our 'normal state'. The good news: The more often we experience a cuddle high, the less likely the cuddle hangover becomes. Our body simply gets used to it. And then there can be many cuddly highs... without a cuddly hangover.



Can I come with my partner or when I am in a relationship?

Yes, yes, yes! Come without your partner and carry the experience into your relationship. Agree on clear rules beforehand. Come together and cuddle only among yourselves. You don't have to open up to other participants. Have the wonderful experience of discovering a new intimacy between you. To share closeness without it becoming sexual. Cuddling remains. Couples can discover each other in a completely new way and thus enrich the relationship and also their sex life enormously. Come together and cuddle in threes, in fours, just with others... no matter... just talk openly about what feels good and harmonious for you. Agree on a right of veto, a safeword in case something happens that suddenly hurts or goes beyond the comfort zone. Take it slowly.



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